When it got all weird....’’

                                                                                         : 07-October-2011

When we met..,, I was such an idiot. I felt like a geek. I damn suck at these things… and hell I was all full of dumb shit. We’d always talk over phone, internet and talk about each other. I was a real coward..,,  I lied to her just to hide my identity. I was ashamed of my true identity. This cheap thought of me was killing me thinking if she come to know one day, what’s gonna happen….’’’ Finally this fuckin crap full of lies ended me to this useless soul. She always believed in me and used to tell me all the stuffs about her and her life with people around, about her boyfriend from some place outside our state. She told me, they met through some chat and they started to talk on phone. Whenever they fight,, she’d tell me and  I don’t even know why but I always have to call her boyfriend and console him, telling him that the sky is full stars and it’ll be late if you don’t recognize the right star glowing for you, keep patience and it’ll be cool. I never did figure out…… I was the one who knows her more!!! But this prick of truth was hurtful coz I never realized  when I started to fell in love with her. Hell..’’ it was too late. I could’ve told her before the time ended.

Even after she figured out my identity…,, it was all late to say that I love her. Coz she’d never believe me. I thought if I tell her..,, I’ll even lose her friendship.!!! After quite a time, she stopped speaking to me. Unexpectedly, this heart of mine grew more and more weak..! I started to pray for her, rather, I started to beg and beg and beg to God to give me Sarah!! But I was undoubtly wrong. We cannot ask God to give us whatever we want. May be she’s much more happy with someone else.

7 months and she didn’t even contact me. I thought she might be busy. Then I called her home and asked her number. Her family, they gave me her number but it was switched off. I searched her on facebook. Texted her if she’s okay or not. She didn’t reply. One day I called her home once again, she picked up the phone and I recognized it was her. She immediately put the phone. After 5 minutes, I got a text from via facebook:-

‘’’Hey,, pls don’t try to contact me anymore. I’m fuckin fed up of you. Stop disturbing me, my family and my boyfriend. I don’t want you in my life. u’re outta my life. so pls go away. Pls pls pls..’’’

She sent me this message and I was speechless for a while. This was hard to feel. Later that evening, for the first time in my life….,, I went to the Bar(our organization had a bar of our own). Drank and drank and drank until I vomit it all with tears of fire. Cried and cried, not sleeping the whole night. Destroyed myself again and again!!! Wasted everything I had.